Post by misters on Nov 20, 2014 7:33:35 GMT -8
Hello,
Im new to this, and I am here because I am in pieces. 23 Year old male, with a plethora of mental issues, but appears fully functioning to the untrained eye.
A brief background - 2-3 years ago I came down with horrific OCD and anxiety whilst at university - It really knocked me around, so I started anti-depressants, but regrettably no therapy, other than self help books. This wasn't very clever, as the university life style, coupled with my self perpetuating mental spiral of anxiety and depression led me to alcohol and drug misuse, mingled with pornography and sex addictions.
Pretty typical I guess.
Anyway, I graduated, I got I decent job, and while my addictions gnawed away at me, they didn't destroy my life. I started taking naltrexone for my drinking, and reduced my consumption significantly. Fastforward to 6 months ago, as I noticed lingering depression, I decided to give up all of my vices for good - drinking, smoking, pornography, and sex, and pursue a more wholesome life.
I succeeded - or so I thought.
I dropped my heavy drinking friends, and turned to a girl who have I been friends with throughout uni. We have always confided in one another for years regarding our mental states, and as such built a strong friendship. We are so alike it's ridiculous, we studied the same course, modules, and share every trait imaginable. She is also drop dead gorgeous - I think you can see where I am going with this.
In the past 2 months, or friendship grew closer and closer, until it happened - we crossed that invisible line into romance, and life was just amazing. I have never enjoyed myself as much as I have with her - my previous addictions that had plagued me were just a memory, and I didn't think twice about drinking or smoking - Was I building a happy and fulfilling life?
I was trying to. The issue was, that she wanted to take things slow - having been hurt by a previous partner (I'm sure the term "love avoidant" will be banded around at this stage), and initially, I was okay with that. However, in the last few weeks, when she has left me, I have experienced intense depression, anxiety, and yes, obsessive thoughts. Why doesnt she want a relationship, etc etc. Anyway, this continued, and came to a head last night - I have scoured the internet for a solution, and it seems that love addiction fits the bill; especially in the case of someone who has a blatant propensity to addiction. I have followed the advice of 'experts', and told her that I needed to leave this relationship and that I need complete space. Needless to say I am absolutely in pieces. I have been to the doctors today to get antidepressants again - wonderful after 6 months of freedom.
I need some help - I have read that complete and lifelong abstinence is the only way to beat addictions. REALLY? I haven't just lost a romantic pursuit like so many before her, I have lost my best friend. She is trying to keep in contact with me, and I am ignoring her. She isn't pressing me, but she is keen to resume our friendship and care for me in any way she can. I know that many will be looking at this seeing tell tale signs of denial, or whatever, but the reality is that I was in love with her before I was addicted to her. I have been for years. It is just in the past few weeks that this withdrawal from her company has triggered the obsession. Do I really have to cut her out? Forever?
Is there any way that I can resolve my issues, and come back and make a go of it with her? Perhaps stay friends in the meantime? I have my first cognitive behavioural session next week, and I am preying for some success there. I can't focus on my work, she has called me twice today and text me. I am going out of my mind - The route of this addiction is with out doubt self esteem. Can anyone give me some advice with empathy? I know that there is evidently a massive issue here, and I am willing to tackle it head on - if it means that I have to isolate myself from her forever, then I will, but is that really necessary? Addicted or not, before that there was love, and of that I am absolutely sure.
Im new to this, and I am here because I am in pieces. 23 Year old male, with a plethora of mental issues, but appears fully functioning to the untrained eye.
A brief background - 2-3 years ago I came down with horrific OCD and anxiety whilst at university - It really knocked me around, so I started anti-depressants, but regrettably no therapy, other than self help books. This wasn't very clever, as the university life style, coupled with my self perpetuating mental spiral of anxiety and depression led me to alcohol and drug misuse, mingled with pornography and sex addictions.
Pretty typical I guess.
Anyway, I graduated, I got I decent job, and while my addictions gnawed away at me, they didn't destroy my life. I started taking naltrexone for my drinking, and reduced my consumption significantly. Fastforward to 6 months ago, as I noticed lingering depression, I decided to give up all of my vices for good - drinking, smoking, pornography, and sex, and pursue a more wholesome life.
I succeeded - or so I thought.
I dropped my heavy drinking friends, and turned to a girl who have I been friends with throughout uni. We have always confided in one another for years regarding our mental states, and as such built a strong friendship. We are so alike it's ridiculous, we studied the same course, modules, and share every trait imaginable. She is also drop dead gorgeous - I think you can see where I am going with this.
In the past 2 months, or friendship grew closer and closer, until it happened - we crossed that invisible line into romance, and life was just amazing. I have never enjoyed myself as much as I have with her - my previous addictions that had plagued me were just a memory, and I didn't think twice about drinking or smoking - Was I building a happy and fulfilling life?
I was trying to. The issue was, that she wanted to take things slow - having been hurt by a previous partner (I'm sure the term "love avoidant" will be banded around at this stage), and initially, I was okay with that. However, in the last few weeks, when she has left me, I have experienced intense depression, anxiety, and yes, obsessive thoughts. Why doesnt she want a relationship, etc etc. Anyway, this continued, and came to a head last night - I have scoured the internet for a solution, and it seems that love addiction fits the bill; especially in the case of someone who has a blatant propensity to addiction. I have followed the advice of 'experts', and told her that I needed to leave this relationship and that I need complete space. Needless to say I am absolutely in pieces. I have been to the doctors today to get antidepressants again - wonderful after 6 months of freedom.
I need some help - I have read that complete and lifelong abstinence is the only way to beat addictions. REALLY? I haven't just lost a romantic pursuit like so many before her, I have lost my best friend. She is trying to keep in contact with me, and I am ignoring her. She isn't pressing me, but she is keen to resume our friendship and care for me in any way she can. I know that many will be looking at this seeing tell tale signs of denial, or whatever, but the reality is that I was in love with her before I was addicted to her. I have been for years. It is just in the past few weeks that this withdrawal from her company has triggered the obsession. Do I really have to cut her out? Forever?
Is there any way that I can resolve my issues, and come back and make a go of it with her? Perhaps stay friends in the meantime? I have my first cognitive behavioural session next week, and I am preying for some success there. I can't focus on my work, she has called me twice today and text me. I am going out of my mind - The route of this addiction is with out doubt self esteem. Can anyone give me some advice with empathy? I know that there is evidently a massive issue here, and I am willing to tackle it head on - if it means that I have to isolate myself from her forever, then I will, but is that really necessary? Addicted or not, before that there was love, and of that I am absolutely sure.
